Think Before You Speak

People are can be mean.

People are can be self-centered.

People love to pull the “I’m going through more shit than you” card to belittle the people around them. This may a conscious effort, or it may not be. Personally, this shouldn’t be a competition we have. I’m guilty of it too; don’t think I’m not. However, I only pull it when I know for almost fact that I am going through more than they currently are.

Side tangent: Most people actually don’t know my daily life. They can think they do, but very few know. While in my senior year of one of the hardest majors among all colleges (physics) I wake up [usually] at 5:30am to workout (unless injured) then move on with my day until roughly 8 or 9pm; then it’s homework time. Two jobs totaling an average of about 26 hours a week. Full class load along with all that homework. Job interviews. Research. Tutoring middle school students. A, now, long distance boyfriend whom I love dearly. Housework. Emails. Eating food somewhere in there. Out of classroom requirements. Group meetings. Maintaining my close friend relationships. And some how keeping myself sane. How do I do it? I just do. I like to keep busy. So when I say “I have no time”, more often than not, I legitimately don’t have time. This also neglects medical issues in which I will not discuss.

Regardless, I didn’t say that to pull the “I really am going through more shit than you” card. I said it because if I didn’t, you wouldn’t know. When people pull this card, they usually are looking for sympathy because they just don’t want to face what they have to. Fair, but sometimes sympathy isn’t deserved.

I guess the reason behind this post is think before you speak. I don’t pull this card often because I don’t know what people are going through. I have friends dealing with: children, their parents facing cancer, their own serious medical issues, not being able to work because of school and more. I don’t know what that’s like. Imagining isn’t usually as close as experiencing. All of the friends I just referenced above, they never pull the “I’m going through more shit than you” card. Never. Maybe a few times when they’ve been fed up with society’s selfish ways, but other than that, they just do. They handle it and keep going, because they almost have to. I know I’m a strong individual, but so are they. They are so strong for continuing their life and not giving up. So strong for being the kind and caring people they are; they would do anything for someone else before themselves. They could so easily just end it, which is sad. No one should ever have to resort to that, or have friends and family deal with the aftermath…

Just think before you speak, it does much more good than you think.

Thanks for reading,

xo, LZE

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Sex & Society

Take a look at this article here, read it with an open mind. How do you feel about it?

I’m generally an open person. You do what you want with your life; I don’t care. It’s not mine. I do have opinions – like anyone that stands up for shit. This article overall makes me angry. I see her side, but I think she did this in a juvenile way. By juvenile, I mean that she doesn’t seem to organize her points well, or explain them. Often, I felt her connections were comparing apples to oranges. I understand that this day in age, the internet is a fabulous place to get things out. I love that she did take control of this issue before others had the chance to manipulate it.

1. I do believe her age is a huge factor in the overall mood of this article. She is what, 18 years old? She hasn’t experienced a lot of what others have. So I get where they are coming from – but they shouldn’t be mean about it. She’s 18 and she can do whatever the hell she wants, but I honestly don’t know if she is thinking of the consequences even though she claims to know them. If she were older would we be so reactive?

2. I do not believe that creating porn is empowering or fights against the patriarchal society we live in. I actually think its gives in to society. I agree that sex is almost like a taboo in our culture. I agree that people think it’s shameful. It’s not. We should be proud of our bodies, who we are and what we enjoy. Flaunt if you want; I don’t care. However, by using sex as a way to go against the ways of society, isn’t exactly a walk in the park. What did you think was going to happen? I feel it gives in because who helped hypersexualize the porn industry to where it is today? Men. If women did it, we’d be on a different level. I do not feel that creating media for sexual pleasure is empowering. Doing something for yourself that will not hurt you is empowering. Like being a nude model. A nude model is not a porn star. A nude model is, yes, in front of the camera, but it’s photos to be displayed as art. Sex can be artistic but I feel that is not the overall goal of pornography.

3. Your vagina will not fall off if you masturbate. There’s nothing wrong with masturbation. If anything, it enhances your sex life.

4. Yes and no.

The most striking view I was indoctrinated with was that sex is something women “have,” but that they shouldn’t “give it away” too soon -– as though there’s only so much sex in any one woman, and sex is something she does for a man that necessarily requires losing something of herself, and so she should be really careful who she “gives” it to.

While I agree with why this was written: women need to be treated as equal, double standards, religious reasons, you need to be careful who you give it to. Especially being a college freshman! Pointing out the obvious here, do you want to be a single mother at the age of 18 starting college? No thank you. Shit happens. People get pregnant and it throws off their whole life path – especially if it was unplanned. I’m sure she gets that a lot, but it is a very very serious thing. Having a child is no joke. I don’t have one yet (thank goodness) but I cannot imagine being that young with a child and no father to support me. Sure you have your family, but you can’t depend on them all the time. This is your life and you have to rule it by yourself. You can have the help of others, but as depressing as this sounds, you will always be there for yourself through the good and the bad.

5. I agree that women sex workers should be treated like humans. Everyone should be treated like humans. Hell I treat my animals as humans.

6. I also feel this is a whole other topic that is unrelated to her initial argument.

Why do we call women sluts and whores? Why do we use synonyms for prostitute as some of the worst insults in the English language? Why do we shame rape victims for the unspeakably heinous crime committed against them? Why is the first question out of many people’s mouths: “What was she wearing the night in question?” Why do we condemn a woman who has had multiple sexual partners outside of marriage?

To answer all of these: BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK AND ARE IGNORANT. They, too, want to feel empowered by putting others down. Rape victims are shamed and asked what they were wearing because people take it as a joke. This is NOT a joke. I could rant about this in an entirely different post on how I cannot stand people who make fun of rape and the people who were. You don’t know if anyone has been, or what not. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY EXPERIENCED – regardless if you went through it yourself. “I just got raped by this exam” no you didn’t. Your entire sex life wasn’t tarnished because of it. You aren’t constantly afraid of the person that did it to you; afraid that someone else will do the same. You don’t have to relive the same day over and over again for the rest of your life. Imagine that you were gay or mentally ill hearing people go “That’s so gay” “You’re retarded” – They are synonyms for being stupid. Gay people and mentally ill people are not stupid. Rape victims/survivors didn’t ask for sex.

While she did bring up some points in which I did not really agree or in the manner she handled the situation, I congratulate her for standing up for something in which she believes.

Thanks for reading,

xo, LZE

I Can’t With “I Can’t Even” Anymore

Thought Catalog

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For whatever reason, people these days just can’t. In fact, they just can’t so much that after a while they can’t even. This may continue to a point of culmination when they finally can’t even deal. Like, literally, they can’t. It’s gotten so bad that I’m to the point now where I also can’t. I mean, I literally can’t even deal.

And with so many unfortunate souls out there who can’t, we must ask the question: are there any of us out there who can?

The “I can’t” and “can’t even” vernacular has turned into something of a phenomenon. If you said one of these phrases around most 18-25 year old girls, it would actually be accepted. It took center stage recently when Kacey Musgraves won a Grammy and repeatedly couldn’t even. While it makes zero sense and indicates maybe a complete sentence was just too tough to…

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Note to Self

Such insight & thought provoking.

and yadda yadda

So much of my life lives on paper.

In letters, in cards, on glossy, on matte.

Inside once locked hardcover journals, there are words scratched in anger, in pain, and occasionally, in ecstasy.

Inside carefully categorized photo albums, there are faces I used to recognize, love, envy.

Most of it — my life on paper — reflects only what was once the drama of my life. For this is what we photograph. Parties, graduations, weddings. And this is what we journal. Love, loss, confusion.

Drama. It’s indeed the drama that compels us to document, to reflect.

But, as I’ve discovered through digging in my cardboard boxes, there is another side to my life lived on paper.

The mundane.

Surrounded by doodles in spiral bound notebooks is the every day life I lived once, in between the drama. Errands I had to run. People I agreed to meet. Tasks I…

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A Love You Can’t Explain

Music; it’s not what you hear, but what you feel.

I cannot agree more with this statement. One quote I have lived by for years and years also holds true: “where words fail, music speaks”. I feel these two quotes combined explain my love of music entirely. It’s a relationship that’s extremely difficult to understand, explain, and really show how much it means to a person. The only way one truly understands is if they experience it themselves.

Music holds a special place in my heart. It has helped me jump over many hurdles – run many miles quite literally – and has given me this soul satisfaction. To some people that sounds weird. Sometimes I know I freaked someone out by admitting that music literally feeds my soul. But it does. I think most music is absolutely beautiful in arrangement and lyrically. When playing or even just listening, I get lost. Travel to another world; one that knows me and gets me completely. One where I’m happy all the time. One where nothing is ever wrong. When singing, I feel that connection between my own emotions or the emotions of the artist. I may love physics and math but my heart also resides with my passion for music and the arts. A constant battle that will never end – the meaning behind my tattoo.

The one most absolute thing I look forward to after graduating is playing the piano again. Songwriting. Singing. That’s the other place I belong. For the last four years I put that life on hold. I needed to dedicate myself to physics; it’s hard as shit sometimes. I didn’t completely ignore music. I listen to it (occasionally at loud levels) and sing (which I know annoys my roommates, but they have to get over it. I will never stop singing.) but they don’t complete me. I need to play. I need to remember how to play. I want to get back into taking lessons. I have so much more to learn.

“Why don’t you learn for yourself? You can read sheet music.” True. I am a self taught pianist. I was trained in voice and guitar until I got carpal tunnel in both of my wrists at 14. I wanted an instrument; I took my knowledge of music theory and applied it to piano. It works but I am nowhere where I want to be. Fun fact: because I was never trained really in piano, I can’t read sheet music and play at the same time. That is my biggest downfall. I can read it just fine and play just fine, but I can’t play what I’m reading at that moment. I want to fix this. One day.

One day I’ll get back there.

Xo, LZE

Matthew 1-4

Per request/suggestion, I read the first 4 chapters from Matthew. I’ve learned quite a bit thus far. The big numbers mean chapters. The little numbers refer to lines, not a million footnotes. Herod is pronounced “Hair-ed” not “he-rod”, “he-rode”, or my favorite Harold.

First chapter: I’m not going to lie. I literally read some of the names, realized that I can’t pronounce them and moved on to the bottom. I’m not a big fan of a lot of repetition like that, but I guess this is common. Little did I know Mary here got pregnant before being married! Crazyyyy. Yes I understand that she didn’t have sex and the baby just magically appeared. However, it was still crazy. I’m glad her fiance was going to quietly divorce her so they both don’t die. That was cute. Part of me wonders, what if that never happened? Like what if someone found out and killed Mary? Would this book still have been written? Could Mary actually have been killed because she was carrying the son of god? Meaning, would the baby have prevented his mother from dying? But of course this wouldn’t happen because like all fairy tales there is always a “happy ever after”.

Second chapter: Harold here is mean. Sorry, Herod. I will never get these names right. Once I call them something, it sticks. Harold it is. Harold is just a big jealous meanie. Who cares if someone claims a baby is going to overrule you? That doesn’t mean to go kill all the babies ya jerk. If you’re the king you should be intelligent enough to know that a baby has some years to grow and get older, and while they are getting older, you my friend are also getting older. You could have died before the baby turned 2 AND saved all the lives of those other innocent babies that only cry and poop.

Third chapter: mmmmm I didn’t feel as many feelings with this one except that camel hair must be itchy.

Fourth chapter: Okay so what the heck is going on? Jesus is tested in the wilderness:I understand that the devil is challenging him, but if the devil actually cared, wouldn’t he have asked more questions? Like why did he just command those things and then is suddenly satisfied and takes Jesus’ word for it? Jesus begins to preach: who is John and why is he in jail? How did he end up there? Jesus calls his first disciples: I would feel a little creeped out if I were fishing and then a guy came up to me and said “come follow me and I will you out to fish for people”. If I didn’t know the context I would think that this guy was sending me out to kill people – which isn’t true in this case. Jesus heals the sick: I honestly just want to know how he does this. I’m obviously looking at this from a science perspective and while it’s wonderful to heal all the sick, how did he do it?

 

If you want to answer any of these, feel free to comment. My boyfriend & roommates are pretty good about answering my questions. 🙂

Thanks for reading!

xo, LZE

Opening statement

I don’t believe in a god or a higher power or anything similar. I believe in science for how we were created, the feelings we experience and the way life works. I respect every form of religion and what people believe. No one is right and no one is wrong. We all have different perspectives on the world and take the life that’s thrown at us in ways that we feel most comfortable. I say this so you know where I’m coming from.

I was initially baptized as Catholic, but what did i know then? My family is semi-religious; I would say that they have faith but don’t go to church. I attended church a few times. While I think the structures are beautiful,  I couldn’t relate to anything the priest was saying. I didn’t believe any of it. Also around that time I felt as though religion was being thrown down my throat – “you must believe this because it’s right. No other way makes sense.” I’m sorry, that’s not true. Nature has a funny way of working. So needless to say it put a bad taste of religion in my mouth.

It wasn’t until I was older that I was actually interested in seeing how other religions did their thing. So, I went to other services and actually had a lot of fun. People were dancing and singing and just having a good time. While I didn’t 100% agree, I went along with it. (By going along with it, I mean by being respectful of their ways. I won’t recite group prayers – well one because I don’t pray but two because if I don’t believe it I think it’s wrong to say it with people who do believe in it. It’s just one of my forms of respect.) One of my favorite services was in Zebilla, Ghana. I believe it was an Anglican service but I’m not entirely sure. Regardless of the small language barrier, I enjoyed singing the songs and dancing around with people I had never met before. It was really cool.

The whole point of this post is that within this category [the spiritual journey] I will be discussing my views as I attempt to read the bible. Yup you read that correctly.  I am going to read the bible. No I haven’t even really looked at one before. If it makes you feel better I pronounced ‘job (joe-buh)’ as ‘jaahb’ like the career or working a job. Also I wasn’t aware of the fact that there are 60 something books/stories in ‘the bible’. I honestly thought it was this big one hunk of paper. [Kinda]

So I’m going to read the book and see what it’s all about. I’m going about it with an open mind however I do have a short temper at times. hahahaha

Anyway, feel free to read any posts following this one as I embark on this spiritual journey. I don’t have a particular goal; I’m not searching for myself. I am honestly curious.

Thanks for reading! 🙂

Xo, Lze